her vagine was all disorganized.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
