do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
