At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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