I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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