don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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