I hate all girls vehemently.
it hurts more in the daytime
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
