and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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