when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
