the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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