Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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