My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
