so that wasnt chicken after all
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
