THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
