I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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