I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
