I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
