no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
