I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
