my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
where are my eyebrows?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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