i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
