i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Randomize
