...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize