I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
