I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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