put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
