I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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