Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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