My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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