i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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