Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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