NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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