You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
