my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize