I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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