I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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