I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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