There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
