the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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