what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
