I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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