Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
