I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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