Christians are straight up FREAKS
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
