the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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