i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
