Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
