Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
