It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
