The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
