So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
too bad you live with your parents still
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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