yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
