i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
