Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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