He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
