please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
