'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
