Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
