dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
