yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
