I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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