she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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