I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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