Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
