True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
