so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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