i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
