I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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