hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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