how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
whose parrot is this?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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