So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
