Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
