I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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