ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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