yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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