is your mom at the bar?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
