dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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