No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I will pee on everything he values.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
