i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
