So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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