I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
