"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
