is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
