I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i already hear my dad disowning me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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