i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
