we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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