was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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