I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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