So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
