ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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