Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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