I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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