what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
