It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
