it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
They are going to name an STD after you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
