yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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