you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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