So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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