im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
