note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
